There’s a man in Albany who is fighting for his life due to sepsis. He was given a 5% chance of survival. I have been following the story on social media. A few nights ago they took him in for surgery to amputate his arm due to infection. She begged the social media world to pray. I feel asleep praying for this man. When I awoke, the story had changed. They didn’t need to amputate. Miracle after miracle has been happening for this family. And his wife has been quick to praise God for His goodness.
This story got me thinking about the purpose of prayer and it’s efficacy.
I know that prayer is crucial to our lives and our relationship with God. Prayer is actually a gift from God. It is our response to God calling to us in our hearts. Prayer doesn’t just come from our own head, something we create. “Prayer is…a response of love to the thirst of the only Son of God” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2561).
St. Matthew tells us: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Mt 7:7). But really, I have struggled with accepting this because I have prayed countless times with seemingly no response. I have prayed for miracles for others that don’t come. I have asked for big things from my Lord and still nothing.
Sometimes it seems so arbitrary what prayers are answered and when. What the heck, God?!
How are we to trust in You when it feels like Your promise to answer our prayers does not always appear true?
I know I am not the only one out there that struggles here. So we comfort ourselves by saying things like: Everything happens for a reason. Your prayers are answered in God’s time. We don’t understand God’s ways. It’s a mystery. Have faith that they will be answered in time. But still, it is frustrating.
Maybe about a year and a half ago, in answer to my frustrations and questioning, I was led to think about this pretty great analogy. The irony is not lost on me here – “Ask and it will be given” – I was questioning the efficacy of prayer and God gave me a better understanding. So here’s what I got…
As parents, one of our responsibilities is that we have to feed our children, and they expect with certainty that we will provide for them. And we often get frustrated at our children’s lack of gratitude, especially after we hear, “MOOOOMMMM, I’m hungry!” whined at us again and again. Yet, just as we feed our children, God is always providing for us, even when we don’t pray and ask for those things. and I’m reminded of the verse from Luke:
“If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?”
Luke 11:13
How often are we like whining children wanting the same thing over and over again, after God has proven that He will provide? Do we even give Him a thought as we find that our daily needs are met? Are we grateful for those things He has given us?
The point is that our first disposition in prayer should be one of gratitude and thanksgiving, not solely of petition.
Ok – so instead of whining for lunch, maybe our kids decide to respectfully put in a particular request. Our middle son, John, loves PB&J, so I often just make it without consulting him about what he would like. But what if he politely ask me, “Mommy, may I please have PB&J?” It changes our whole interaction. I’m happy to provide his favorite meal, and he’s happy with the outcome.
“Our father knows what we need before we ask, but he awaits our petition because the dignity of his children lies in their freedom.”
Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2736
Like a child who wants his favorite lunch, we can choose to make respectful requests of God. We can approach Him and say, “Dad, I could really use this thing. Can you help me?” and that really changes the dynamic.
He was going to provide for us, but now we have changed our perspective in the relationship. We are not demanding and we are acknowledging our need for Him to provide for us. These prayers open communication and offer opportunities to show gratitude and even joy when the request is granted.
So what about when God doesn’t give us the PB&J? Why doesn’t He answer our prayers and give us the thing we really want?
Let’s look to the Catechism again,
“You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions” (James 4:3)…God cannot answer us, for he desires our well-being, our life.
CCC 2737
My son desires PB&J. He would eat PB&J everyday. That’s what his passions (his bodily desires) tell him to ask for, but he’s six and doesn’t know what his growing body needs. It’s my responsibility to provide a variety of foods. So the next day as usual, he politely (hopefully) asks for PB&J, but maybe I’m making chicken nuggets. I respond with “Thanks for your politeness. I appreciate it. Today you have chicken, which you also like.” It’s not his favorite, but he eats it because he likes it, he’s hungry and it satisfies. And we’re both content.
Another day comes and the same PB&J is requested, but this time he’s served only fruits and veggies. Does he eat them? I don’t know, maybe, but probably not without a lot of complaining. Even though disappointed, by accepting an alternate lunch, he has the opportunity to grow in maturity and to trust that I have his best interests in mind.
It is the same with our petitions to God. We “do not know how to pray as we ought” (Rom 8:26). Just as a six year old doesn’t understand the need of a nutritious diet, we must remember that we do not see the picture as God does. What if John had simply asked for lunch, rather than a specific meal? Any meal would’ve been an answer to that request, an that’s what he really needed.
Often, we ask for things that are not for our ultimate good. Or we ask for things that could end up hurting us. Or we are asking for things that do not help us attain our final end, eternity in heaven, or for things that God may not be ready to give.
Something may seem like a good, but none of us can know the plans that God has for us. So there comes a point where we need to trust in our Lord, and we need to remember the Father has “plans for (our) welfare and not for woe, so as to give (us) a future of hope” (Jer 29:11).
I want to extend the analogy a bit further before I wrap up. What if suddenly just before lunch, my son has a complete tantrum, throws his toys and yells at his siblings. Am I likely to give him his favorite meal? Definitely not until he apologizes and makes amends!! And if he doesn’t make amends, I’m still going to feed him, but I might wait on the PB&J for another day.
When we are bogged down by sin, our prayers cannot be efficacious. We must confess and make reparation. Until we do, God, in his goodness and mercy, is still going to feed us, but maybe not in the exact way we had hoped.
When we feel as if our prayers are going unanswered, it is our responsibility to take an honest look at our prayers.
Am I leading with gratitude and thanksgiving? Am I in a state of grace with God? Have I apologized for any hurt I have caused Him and others? Am I allowing my will and passions to demand things of God? Am I thanking Him for all the good gifts He is giving me, even though the answer doesn’t look as I expected?
This is not easy and requires a great deal of humility. Sometimes we just need to re-phrase our petitions. One of the best tips that I can offer that has helped me is this – begin to pray as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. End all petitions with the phrase,
“Not my will, but yours be done.”
Luke 22:42
If you are struggling with prayer, I would highly recommend you check out what the Catechism has to offer. The whole fourth section of the book is on prayer. This section in Chapter 3 in particular addresses common objections and struggles in prayer. I have quoted a bit from it in this post, but there is so much more!
Download my FREE ebook, Creating a Life of Prayer – this short book will help you plan a prayer routine that works for YOUR life.
