About three years ago, I had my cradle Catholic “conversion” in which I went from knowing about God to actually knowing God, to speaking about faith in general to being able to speak about my relationship with Jesus. There’s a difference and I didn’t even know it was possible.
Since I’m well into my thirties and doing this married-life-with-kids thing, sometimes I feel like I was a little late to the party with this “revert” thing. I sometimes think about how many years I wasted, just sitting in the pew, following the rules, trying to work out my salvation by doing all the service things, when I could’ve been having a true personal relationship with Jesus (and subsequently also doing the pew sitting, rule following and service providing).
But I have learned that this sort of thinking is not from God. He has it all worked out and this is how He wanted it all to play out and I take solace in that. In fact, I think He’s put me in a unique position to help others. Because I know there are many people out there trying to do right by Jesus, but just struggling with it, feeling confused, aimless, lost, muddled, and I get it because I’ve been there!
Catholicism as an organization has failed us who are currently in the middle of our lives. What were we taught? – God loves you! Isn’t that nice? Don’t worry that your life is aimless. God loves you. Don’t worry that you are in despair. God loves you. Don’t worry that “Fill in the blank.” God loves you. Now, memorize these prayers and come to Mass.
Add onto this empty catechesis, the state of our Church and it’s all enough to send a person screaming to the doors of the Church, grab coffee at the Protestant church, or lounge in bed on Sundays and become “spiritual but not religious.”
Our brothers and sisters and our Church are in some really horrid, desperate times, and it is time for all of us to step up and carry her. I hope to do my part with this blog. Through my personal life experiences and witness, I hope to inspire others to see that there is so much more for us than a superficial faith. Jesus is knocking on our hearts and waiting to be let in. I am a hopeful sower, spreading little seeds of Truth and Love.
I want to work for Him as he heals our Church, to show the world that Jesus is truly with us. Because if we know (not believe, or think, or sort of understand, but KNOW) Jesus is with us, how can we not change?
And if we are changed, then we have to live differently outside our pews. And then maybe, our Catholic Church might actually reflect the reality that Jesus suffered, died and rose from the dead so that we might have eternal life.