What if Motherhood Itself is an Act of Mercy From God?

I recently gave a short talk at a young adults conference on the topic of “Mercy and Motherhood.” I’m sharing that talk here in honor of Mother’s Day. My prayer for all of you is that you know that you are lovable and loved by a very good Father…

Sr. Marie Veritas is a Sister of Life. I recently read a piece she wrote about the women they counsel, but her words went straight to my heart.

“In the heart of every woman is the longing to be heard, to be understood, to be believed in, and to be seen for her unique beauty and goodness, a beauty and goodness that often she doesn’t see in herself.

Each of us needs to experience genuine love, someone delighting in me for me, not for anything I’ve done or haven’t done, not for my education, not for my looks or gifts, but for me.  A woman who knows that she is lovable and loved can do anything.”

– Sr. Marie Veritas, SV , Imprint Magazine, Spring 2019

Her words speak of a longing that all of us encounter, not just the vulnerable women they counsel. We ALL have an aching in our hearts. We ALL have pain that is calling out for love and understanding.

Each of us lives in our own misery, our own unique pain, our own unique sins, our own unique past, our own unique struggles.  And in all of us our hearts are calling out, as Sr. Marie Veritas writes, “to be heard, to be understood” and “to experience genuine love” and we’ll find any way to find that relief. 

We create a world around us to try to quiet the longing, to relieve our hearts that are in pain.  We bury the negative and try to work toward achievement. And we struggle to “find our identity.”

This is the narrative we’ve heard from our culture that emphasizes our accolades, our profession, our schooling, our financial status, our dating status, our sexual orientation, our gender, race or age.  We have been fed the lie that our identity is somehow tied up in our characteristics, achievements, and our popularity.  

We begin to see ourselves more or less worthy based on who cares about us, if anybody cares about us, if anyone loves us.

Over the past few months I have read through one of my journals from my early twenties, to think through some ideas for this blog and then again to prepare for this talk.

The first time I read through was an exercise in humiliation.  I could barely recognize this person in this journal, and I was somewhat ashamed of her.  Let’s just say, I was a girl in search of love in all the wrong places.

But the most recent time when I re-read these entries, it was a different experience.  I noticed something else, something way more subtle, a common thread through every entry.

I can only imagine that God was giving me a glimpse of how he perceived my early adult years. 

I was looking at it with new eyes, eyes of mercy, with the idea of “she knows not what she does.” 

And what I noticed was this idea, not explicitly stated but still quite obvious, woven through the entries – I am lonely.  I am empty. Why do I feel this emptiness? How can I fill this emptiness that I feel? 

On those pages I was the woman that Sr. Marie Veritas is talking about.  I was the woman “longing to be heard, to be understood, to be believed in, and to be seen for her unique beauty and goodness, a beauty and goodness that often she doesn’t see in herself.”

But God sees how we struggle.  He sees the world we live in.   He sees that we fill our longing with anything, just to make our hearts full. 

He knows that we are constantly on the search for the divine mercy we truly need. 

Eventually He comes into our longing hearts and fulfills us.  He offers us His mercy to relieve that pain.  And in doing so reveals to us our true identity – a daughter [or son] of God.

If we are lucky, we learn early that our identity is child of God, that we are not the sum of our achievements.  Our identity does not consist only of our job title, marital status, or number of followers on social media.

But many of us don’t.  And then when we have children, we do this questionable move. 

We establish our identity as “mother.”

Motherhood becomes another achievement, another item to tick off on the list, another box to check.  We use our children to dull that longing and aching in our heart and that puts an unrealistic burden on our children.

This is how tricky Satan is – he knows the great good of motherhood and he wants to twist it, to distort it.  This distorted idea of motherhood fails to give us the reward that we were seeking.  It fails to live up to the hype – because, let’s be real – parenthood is no joke. It doesn’t fill the longing.

Some of us lapse into frustration. Some complain about loosing their single years.  Some just want some peace and freedom.  We can look at our children at times as a burden.  We see them as just another thing to take care of, with a very long to-do list and a never-ending neediness. 

But that is not true motherhood, the way God wants us to see it. 

What if we reframe the idea of motherhood?

What if motherhood itself is an act of mercy from God? 

What if we see motherhood as a great mercy given to us by our loving Father – a father who knows what we need before we even know to ask. This has the potential to transforms the whole experience of motherhood. 

For some of us, becoming a mother may be the first time we will ever experience what Sr. Marie Veritas is explaining:

“someone delighting in me for me, not for anything I’ve done or haven’t done, not for my education, not for my looks or gifts, but for me.”

Just for fun, I asked my kids what makes me a good mother.  And I got the standard – because you take care of us, because you cook us food, because you’re fun and nice.  Well – I could say that about their babysitter too! 

The 3 year old went so far as to tell me that he loved me so much because I got him a milkshake.  (That was strategic planning on my part.  Bribe, then make the ask.) 

But I really wanted to find out what makes me special and unique, but that’s not how they see the situation.  Yes, I am unique and special.  And they love the way I do crafts with them and that I spontaneously take them out for a fun afternoon. 

But ultimately, they love me for my “mom-ness.”  

Not for what I can do or have done, not for how I look or the milkshakes I bring, but for me. And their blind acceptance of me, as I am, echoes that of our Father.  There’s a reason that God says children are so very close to Him – it is because they love most like Him. 

When our children love us, they are showing us a glimpse of the way the Father loves us. 

Daily we are offered little acts of mercy from our children. Through them we see ourselves as our loving Father see us.

Here are a few examples from my own life…

• I loose my patience, I scold, I speak sharply, but they forgive me.  

• I worry about keeping a well-maintained house, but they just want to spend time in their warm, safe home. 

• I want some personal space, but they just desire to cuddle close to me.

• I rush bedtime so I can get to my time, and they just want another hug and the comfort of my presence.

• In the same monotonous way, I pick them up at school or get them off the bus, but they run to me in excitement.

• I worry about whether I’m living up to my “potential,” but they look at me proudly and introduce me as their mommy. 

• I cry at the end of a frustrating day parenting, and they come to dry my tears.

In their eyes (just like in God’s eyes), all I am is lovable, and that is an identity that I can grow into.   As Sister Marie Veritas says:  “a woman who knows that she is lovable and loved can do anything.” And that is the mercy of motherhood.