Unplanned Gatherings Are So Good For The Soul

When I was a child, I grew up on a very busy street, but our yard backed up to homes on a quiet street with no outlet. So my brother and I would hop the fence to our neighbors’ yard, ring doorbells or join the other kids who were already playing. We would play in the street until dark – kickball, wiffle ball, tag, whatever.

In the summers, we visited the town pool almost every day, sometimes from open to close. There was always a friend who was also at the pool. We didn’t have to plan ahead. It was a given – someone was there.

On Friday evenings the pool was open until 10pm rather than the usual 7pm. So did we go home after being there all day? Nope! A bunch of families would bring dinner to the pool and have a big smorgasbord of deliciousness amongst us.

It sounds a bit nostalgic writing about hopping fences and spending summers at the pool – you know, the good ole days when kids could run free and just be kids.

But even if details are fuzzy with old memories, I still remember how fun it was – we always had someone to play with. We had a community.

There’s a hilarious skit from comedian Sebastian Maniscalco about when your door rang 20 years ago vs. today. (There’s mild language in it, so if you’re sensitive to that, skip watching.) But it is spot on! As a kid, I always loved those times when people would just show up on our doorstep unannounced – whether it was a neighborhood kid or a friend of my parents.

This was way before cell phones, so if you found yourself in your friend’s neighborhood, it was not uncommon just to drop by. But we just don’t live in that world anymore.

Can you even remember the last time someone showed up randomly at your door?

Nope, we can’t either. And we certainly don’t have any Entenmann’s crumb cake laying around for unexpected company. (Talk about nostalgia!)

I’m no sociologist, but I think some of this comes from the fact that we are an over-scheduled bunch of modern people, who also have these unrealistic ideas from social media of how perfect our homes must be to have people around.

Also, in my family’s case, we currently live in a beautiful, quiet neighborhood with a lot of space to run and play. We love where we live – but our kids can’t just hop a fence to find playmates. In fact, there are no fences and the homes are so far apart that I don’t quite feel comfortable letting them trek a mile to a friend’s house alone.

I have realized that we can’t rely on a community to develop organically around us.

We need to make a conscious effort to build our community – which means we have to invite people over. Yet, the idea of an invitation just feels like such effort – much less casual and easy, and more like entertaining, and ain’t nobody got time for that!

Just the other day, as I scrolled social media, I saw this article entitled “5 Rules for Hosting a Crappy Dinner Party.” Intriguing, right? I really liked the premise behind the article – getting to see your friends more often by letting go of expectations.

The idea proposed that we invite friends over for a come-as-you-are, don’t-look-at-my-dirty-floors and join-us-to-eat-whatever-we-happen-to-be-cooking kind of affair.

We are blessed to be good friends with another family who also likes doing these types of nights. There was a day recently when we were all free and indulged the kids’ idea to play kickball followed by grilling. Or the one time when they brought over whatever food was in their fridge combined with whatever we had in our fridge and we cooked it all together.

So I can totally get behind this idea! But I want to do more of this. I want this to be our norm!

Oddly, the night before I read this article, I had invited a friend over for just such an evening. Our family had an unexpected night free (thanks to sports rain-outs!), and I had food in the fridge (yay!). It turned out to be a really relaxing time that involved playing Go Fish with the kids, me trying to do a narwhal impression (you read that correctly) and nearly laughing to tears.

I can’t tell you how good these unplanned gatherings are for my soul – the ease, the relaxation, the joy! And I know they are good for my family too.

After all, we are made to be social. We are made in the image of our Creator to be in communion with others. Right in the first book of the Bible it says, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

Honestly, I would love if friends began to show up ringing our doorbell again, but maybe that is too nostalgic. I’m not sure we can go back to those days. So, maybe, text me.

If we’re home, you’re welcome for a “crappy dinner party.” We’ll all run to the door excitedly when you ring the bell. I won’t have Entenmann’s because it’s not gluten free. But I can brew you a cup of coffee instantly with my Keurig! And maybe you’ll get a chance to hear my narwhal impression. It’s not to be missed!