The other day I wrote about why I’m starting this blog. I want to begin this post giving you a little introduction to me – not because I think it’s especially interesting, but because it sets the tone for more interesting stories, hopefully. And I love witness stories. They move me, and touch my heart and they inspire and show us how God is moving in other’s lives.
Of course, I don’t want you to focus on what I have been blessed with, or how your life is different, and start comparing. (Actually, I plan to eventually tell you some of the uglier stuff about my life for the express purpose of learning how God works in the pain, suffering, struggles and sinfulness of life.) My hope is that you might be inspired to search for something more in your life, to not settle, and to not turn to despair.
I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9
So first of all, I love Jesus.
I would never have said those words aloud (or in written form) most of my life for two reasons. One, I would have been mortified. Two, I don’t think I actually did love Jesus until a few years ago. I loved the idea of Jesus.
I am a cradle Catholic, which means that I was born to Catholic parents who baptized me as an infant. In some ways this is a blessing but in other ways, cradle Catholics can have a hard time coming to actually know Jesus on a personal level. (For those of you who are cradle Catholics with a strong and real relationship with Jesus, you are blessed indeed.)
I received all my sacraments as a child and went to faith formation classes, but I didn’t learn very much. This lack of cathechesis has been a point of frustration for me for as an adult as I struggled to learn some basics of our faith. I plan on going into this in depth, because it’s a topic very close to my heart.
As a young adult, I actually envied Protestants who could be so vocal about their Lord and Savior. It seemed like we Catholics just don’t talk like that or about our relationship with Jesus. Prayer outside of Mass seemed uncomfortable to me. I felt like I wasn’t pious enough, or I didn’t feel anything. I felt awkward showing outward signs of my faith or even talking about it at all.
So let’s skip ahead to my faith life as an adult.
For many years I was an average faithful Catholic (not to say I’m more than average now, just different). I was fulfilling my weekly Sunday Mass obligation, following the rules, hoping to live as God wanted me to live, struggling with prayer beyond Mass. I suppose I loved God in a very opaque, general way, as in I was thankful to the God of the Universe to be blessed with my life and happy to be alive and knew it was my duty to worship Him.
What I didn’t realize was – while the facts, rules and obligations are important, they are not only what religion is about.
These things are meant to be bridges to have a real encounter with Jesus, who is dwelling within our hearts. He wants us to embrace our identity as beloved children of the Father, FIRST!
When we have a real personal encounter with Jesus, only then will the facts spur us on to a greater understanding of Our Father, not of a religious institution. And then the rules will help us grow in virtue and love. And the obligations cease to be obligations but moments with Our Beloved.
In a future post, I’ll tell you how God broke open my heart and I went from average Catholic to knowing my place as beloved by God. But next is a post about the idea that we were all made for something greater.
