A few weeks ago I took our daughter to Confession. I really wanted her to get it in before school started, get her a jolt of grace. (As a side note: my spiritual director had recommended quarterly Confessions for a child her age.) But she did not want to go, AT ALL. Anyone else surprised by this? No, I wasn’t either.
Anyway, in the chapel with her, I was lamenting (ok, downright complaining) to Jesus about how hard parenting is and how we’re trying to teach and pass on our faith to our kids, but I just worry that it’s not sticking.
I was intrigued by the answer I got back.
Here’s the analogy that popped into my head, and I think it is perfect, because it is totally Biblical. And we have a small backyard garden at home, so it’s very relatable. Thank you, Jesus, for speaking my language! (If you’re not a parent or someone who enjoys gardening, I apologize, but follow along with me anyway. Next time I’ll expand the garden analogy to focus on how it relates to each of us personally.)
So, I realized that as parents we are the gardeners, planting and tending the garden of the little people given to us. First, we put the seeds in the ground, we plant ideas. Then, we provide the water, nutrient rich soil, the sunny location, the pruning, and the weeding.
What we cannot do is actually make the seed grow into a plant. Only God is the grower!
I can’t actually make the plant pop out of that seed. But when it does, I can protect it from the harsh elements.
I can’t force the branches and leaves to come forth. But when the plant sends out new, less helpful growth, I can prune and pluck back the useless leaves.
When the plant is growing well and weeds appear around it, I can gently remove them. Or even better, I can proactively put down mulch to prevent the weeds in the first place.
And I can’t actually make a plant sprout fruit, but when it does, I can help harvest so it can continue to produce more.
So, what actually makes the seed sprout, grow and fruit?
Well, you might say nature. It’s doing what it’s supposed to do. Yes, but since the plant got its nature from God and God is continually and always active, He is what creates, grows and sustains all life.
So if we are God’s gardeners, we have to look at what we are doing for our garden (those lives entrusted to us). We should examine if we have planted them in the right place. Have we protected them from the weeds of the world? Are we developing them up a trellis and giving them support if they need it?
I have come to realize that each of our children is a totally different type of plant requiring different growing conditions. Each different plant will sprout at different times, some more slowly and some more quickly. So each seed of faith that we plant in our children will appear at a different rate. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there, but maybe it’s like an asparagus which takes years to harvest. And if my fast growing peas decide that they want to send out a shoot invading my strawberry patch, I need to direct them back to their pea trellis, and gently, because if I do it with force, it could damage the plant.
The other thing I must remember is that I am not a master gardener. For example, this summer I discovered something called blight, caused by a fungus, all over my tomatoes. I didn’t know what it was so I turned to experts who did.
As a parent tending to our children, sometimes we won’t know the answer, and we need to be mindful of when it’s the right time to seek advice. I need to be brave enough to ask for help from more mature Catholic parents when I face something unknown.
It was such a relief to me to realize that, if we are providing the right conditions for our children, working as collaborators in God’s loving, life-giving action in our children’s lives, He will take care of the rest. If we properly tend the plants in our little gardens, we can trust that they will bear the maximum amount of fruit for Our God.
And some seed fell on rich soil and produced fruit. It came up and grew and yielded thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold.
Mark 4:8
As I reflected on this analogy, I related the idea of a garden to my own faith life and found it especially helpful. So stay tuned for my thoughts about how the Master Gardener works in our own souls.
